205603

Joke of the Day

"TIL that vaccines contain a small amount of mercury, a chemical component that leads to autism. -Idiotic Soccer Mom, 2k16"

"What do Brussels sprouts and pubic have in common? You push them to the side and keep eating"

"Me: Forgive me father I have sinned Priest: Get out of my house M: But it's a big sin P: *sigh* Speak child M: I broke into your house"

"Muslims are against the consumption of Pork and believe the pig to be unclean. Yet their prophet has Ham in his name."

"I gave 3 berries to my friend in a trail and got shot immediately... The sign never said they would shoot for trespassing!"

"Dad joke I just had with my girlfriend GF: *sigh GF: *sigh GF: *sigh Me: That's like 3 sighs in 30 seconds. GF: And they all probably meant different things. Me: I guess I need to know sigh language."

"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas."

"Me at a wine tasting: *swirls glass* *sniffs* *sips slowly* *stares off into the distance* ...Ah, yes. This is in fact wine."

"Wanna know why I prefer sponge cakes to Jesus? Because sponge cake doesn't take 3 days to rise."

"""I love my cable company! Their customer service and pricing can't be beat! I'm glad I have no other options!"" said no one ever."