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Joke of the Day

"A young cat jumped out and scared a mouse and said. . . Just kitten."

"My girlfriend said things needed spicing up a bit in the bedroom, so she introduced me to pegging. It did the trick we've been together ten years now. Give or take."

"You Guys Wanna Hear a Nice Joke? Nevermind it's probably too soon."

"The inventory of the Crossword has died. He will be buried tomorrow. Six down and three across."

"A man has undergone the first successful hand transplant in the UK. Doctors say he can move his fingers, but still doesn't have any feeling. Also, he won't come out of the bathroom for some reason."

"There are two types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them."

"I feel like Donald Trump and Bill Clinton have a $1 bet that Trump can make Hillary president and Bill can make her not president."

"If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? You're a-peein!"

"New Years Resolutions I've decided on a few attainable resolutions... * put on some weight * exercise less * watch some TV, play some computer games * procrastinate (maybe I'll do that later)"