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Joke of the Day

"A man rushes into a bar and yells out, ""Guys I just heard the funniest pole joke!"" And the bartender says, ""Hold up there buddy, Im a pole"" And the man replies, ""Okay, then I will tell it slowly"""

"GIRL: Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend DAD: Your bf is a bald eagle? BALD EAGLE: *adjusting toupee* I'm just a regular eagle actually"

"Why do Little People hate the taste of alcohol? Because they can't reach the top shelf."

"Scientist: our large brains are what allows us to survive so successfully 10,000 Year Old Tree: k"

"What kind of dog is the most colorful? A paint Bernard!"

"My Emmy party went off without a hitch despite my cat not answering me when I asked her who crocheted the dress she was wearing."

"What did the baker say about her co-worker who never sleeps and always smells funky? At yeast he's a fungi."

"I'm surprised ABC hasn't resolved the Healthcare Crisis with a new reality show. Extreme Makeover: Universal Healthcare Edition."

"What is a baby bee? A little humbug."

"Me: *Sweeping* Wife: Excuse me Me: *Slams broom on floor* YOU SHALL NOT PASS Wife: ... Me: That's from lord of Wife: MOVE! Me: *Moves*"