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Joke of the Day

"People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie."

"Wife: Did you do the dishes like I asked? Me: Sorry I was busy W: Doing what? *cat rides by on Roomba wearing gladiator outfit* Me: Uh.."

"What do cows do when they're introduced? They give each other a milk shake!"

"What did the man who frequents the internet do with a book? He Reddit."

"What is the similarity between a psychologist and a prostitute? They both take your money for stuff a good friend would do for free, however they are better at it."

"I can't prove it, but from the sound of it, I'm pretty sure there's an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher."

"My friends and I are having a body-part pun contest. The game is afoot!"

"What is ET short for? So he can fit in the spaceship."

"How do you know if your wife is dead? Sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up."

"Most problems can be solved by pouring a concrete slab over the person causing the problems."