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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] Interviewer: ""Describe yourself in 2 words."" Me: ""Atinubs. Econsibu."" Interviewer: ""You're hired. Welcome to CAPTCHA."""

"COP: put ur hands in the air ME: ok C: now flip them over M: k? C: now cross them M: what C: put them behind ur head M: why- C: hey macarena"

"I was so excited when all my teachers called my work outstanding I haven't even handed it in yet!"

"What is black and eats pussy? cervical cancer"

"Google reports consistent level of searches for ""pornography"" in the UK following Brexit Title"

"""What does your mother do for a living?"" ""She sells shesells...I mean...Sea sells sea shells...dammit! She's...a beachside entrepreneur."""

"I'm already visualising the duct tape across your mouth."

"Blood oranges at the farmer's market. What am I, The Lord of War? Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else."

"If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I'd choke to death swallowing it."

"What's the difference between us and the dinosaurs? We don't need an asteroid..."