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Joke of the Day

"[first date] me: they know me here date: *reading sign on wall* ""No Puppetry""? me (proudly): I'm the reason they have that"

"*texting with my mom* Mom: I miss your handsome face! Me: Aww..thanks, mom! I miss you too! Mom: Sorry. Wrong number."

"What do you call a disabled person committing a drive by? Handicappn."

"You might not be a Bulls fan, but I know you felt it when this D rose."

"video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house."

"A woman asks a bartender for a double entendre He gave her one"

"What is the definition of ""trust?"" Two cannibals giving each other head."

"The world's fastest boxer invited anyone to try to avoid his fists... There was no punchline."

"""I'd like to make a large cash deposit"" teller: ok, how much do you have? ""Wow can't a guy just share his dreams without being pressured?"""

"Skinny friend: Bananas are super high in sugar. Why would you eat them if you want to lose weight? Me: Good point. *Grabs Kit Kat"