144057

Joke of the Day

"*texting with my mom* Mom: I miss your handsome face! Me: Aww..thanks, mom! I miss you too! Mom: Sorry. Wrong number."

"Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones? A: ""I didn't wake up this morning..."""

"What's the difference between men and women? Actually, there is a vas deferens between the two genders."

"What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers? The feathers. The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 ""regular"" ounces. The more you know..."

"Why was the meeting for impotent men cancelled? They knew no one would come."

"Me: Not to be racist but you look like you're sick Her: How was that racist? Me: I said ""not to be racist"" you must be sicker than I thought"

"Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months!"

"CD worms made tapeworms obsolete."

"Why did linkin park wrap themselves up in plastic wrap before they jumped off a cliff? So in the end they didn't even splatter."

"Terrible advice for a suicide survival hotline: If at first you don't succeed..."