205039

Joke of the Day

"You know those voices in your head? Choose the smartest, sanest one and call it you."

"I wonder if the guy I'm interviewing knows this isn't for a cologne model position."

"Today I broke a G string while fingering A minor Dammit, playing guitar is hard!"

"What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa."

"2 snails There were 2 snails on the back of a turtle. One of the snails turned to the other and said ""hold on."""

"When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this."

"I bet some of the Crusaders were just random guys who refused to admit that they were lost."

"My girlfriend cheated on me. She damn near broke my back."

"Teacher: Who fought in the Civil War? Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ...."

"Why is the media making such a big deal about the olympic swimmer's period? It's a perfectly normal female body function that, according to my wife, occurs 2-3 times per month."