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Joke of the Day
"I eat a lot of swordfish. I like to be ready in case there's a food fight."
Next Joke
"You know those old movies with Jackie Chan where he is reluctant to fight in the beginning, but then he warms up starts swinging like there is no tomorrow?! ... I'm the same way with drinking."
"My grandma is 80 years old, and still doesn't need glasses... She drinks right out of the bottle."
"I don't like wearing sandals, they rub me the wrong way... To be fair, that does explain the blisters."
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a DM."
"What do you call a Vietcong that's been hit by napalm? Charlie Brown"
"A girl looks at the mirror and says ""Mom, I look really ugly, can you compliment me and make me feel better?"" The mother says ""Wow you have really good eyesight!"""
"Not sure if it's still too soon after the shooting, but.... Do you think JFK ever said ""I need another parade like I need another hole in the head""?"
"""Whose line is it anyway?"" -generous cocaine party guests"
"Everyone's inner douche comes out when naming their wifi network."