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Joke of the Day

"What happens when you put your grandma on speedial? You get Insta-Gram"

"""Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it."" -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation"

"Birthdays are great... ... but too many of them will kill you."

"Why did Leonardo DiCaprio laugh at the Oscar joke? Because he finally got it!"

"This morning I saw an ad offering 'help' to people contemplating suicide Which confused me, because the industry has banned ads for cigarettes, but apparently they have no qualms with murder."

"I hate leaving when my phone isn't charged to 100%"

"I had a girlfriend.... I once had a girlfriend with a taser.... She was STUNNING (Old joke possibly in this reddit too....)"

"What's the difference between a Snowman and a Snow- woman?? Snowballs..."

"Did you hear about the live performance about the dictionary? I heard it was a play on words."

"I was told that hardcore Christians don't think anal counts as losing your virginity so that's why pastors get off scot free"