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Joke of the Day

"I had a girlfriend.... I once had a girlfriend with a taser.... She was STUNNING (Old joke possibly in this reddit too....)"

"My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle."

"What's the difference between you and Bear Grylls? You'd get fired if you drank piss at work."

"I told an Aussie friend I was having trouble rooting my phone He replied, ""Maybe try buying it dinner first, mate. """

"(Animal spelling bee) Owl: Your word is Mississippi Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER"

"I like my women like I like my isotopes. Stable."

"A cannibal receives a call from his recently found brother. ""What a relief! I thought I passed you on the side of the road the other day."""

"What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? Close the door."

"Doctor, doctor! I only have 59 seconds to live! Just a minute!"

"What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future? Rocket Farts."