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Joke of the Day

"Smelling one of my farts has to kill at least 10 million brain cells. My dog doesn't even know how to bark anymore."

"What do you call a fish that performs brain surgeries? A neurosturgeon"

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining."

"What do you call a funny baked good? a pun"

"would love to see a prequel to Titanic where we see Jack completely unable to climb onto a floating pool toy and we all go ""ahh makes sense"""

"What's the difference between love and herpes? Love doesn't last forever."

"Me: I think we need to break up Her: Now is not a good time Me: Okay *we ride the rollercoaster in silence*"

"My son turns 18 today. I bought him a set of luggage for his birthday. Too forward? Maybe it's too forward."

"Drunk. In Wal Mart. Fuck."

"What did Putin say when the world got mad at him for invading the Ukraine? ""Cri-me-a river!"""