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Joke of the Day

"Me: I think we need to break up Her: Now is not a good time Me: Okay *we ride the rollercoaster in silence*"

"When did you stop beating your wife? When we stopped having masturbation races."

"The best cure for dry coughing. Take some laxative. You will not cough, trust me."

"How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hella."

"Two dyslexics run into a bank... and they shout ""Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"""

"Please listen closely... Attention: Tonight I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses WWII and Wednesday comes *after* Tuesday."

"What do you do if a blonde person throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back."

"What do you call an illegal wristwatch trade? A wrist-ky buisness."

"If you think your life is awful my mom keeps track of my ""cycle"" and just told me that I'm ovulating and that I should mingle more."

"What's a bear's favorite fruit? Tom**ato**(**ms**). Explanation: Bears are made up of atoms. Plug: /r/BearJokes"