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Joke of the Day

"If sex with two other people is a threesome... and sex with 3 others is a foursome, then I guess that makes me handsome."

"How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware problem."

"Being in love is amazing, the way it takes your breath away, closes your air passages and renders you unconscio--no, wait, that's asthma."

"If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit."

"[Morgan Freeman narrating my life] *extended period of silence* ""What the hell am I supposed to do with this..."""

"I never thought I'd buy into Feng Shui But oh how the tables have turned."

"My dick is so long if I laid it on the keyboard it would stretch all the way from A to Z .... ..... .... Wait... Shit..."

"Justin Bieber is going to Hillsong Church conference. We'll see if they make a believer out of him or if he make Beliebers out of them."

"How do you make both God and Satan angry at you? You rape Satan's wife."

"What do toy trains and boobs have in common? They were both designed for the kids but it's the dad that ends up playing with them."