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Joke of the Day

"Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret."

"A friend told me that I don't understand irony... ... which is ironic, because I was was waiting for a bus at the time. -- Alanis Morissette (not really)"

"I have now lived in New York long enough that I can eat a meal while running at full speed."

"What did the fisherman say to the street magician? Pick a cod, any cod!"

"Hi, fire department? My cat is in a tree. Television has taught me that this is your problem."

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence... As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well, that's a little condescending."

"Just saw a guy wearing sunglasses on the back of his head practicing his golf swing empty-handed. Hope my daughter's a lesbian."

"The person who took my sneakers while I was on the jumpy castle at McDonald's Please grow up."

"An Irishman, an Englishman and a Welshman walk into a bar... but none of them are xenophobic, so they all have a wonderful time."

"A fly just blew up in my room I'm scared it might be a Jihadi longlegs"