204256

Joke of the Day

"Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret."

"What is a parrot's favorite game? Hide and Speak!"

"I read an article about how much college will cost in 20 years so I'm scraping some paint chips off the house for my daughter to snack on."

"I test drove a Kia today It wasn't really my Forte"

"Dad, how could you? I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch? Names."

"Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they- *coroner covers the body with a sheet* Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO"

"In every teen body-swap film there's that moment where they look in the mirror & are shocked to see an adult. That's my morning routine now."

"I'm the hier to the Tampax fortune Soon I'll have more blood money than African warlords."

"What did the gay horse say to the straight horse? Heeeeeeyyyyyy"