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Joke of the Day

"*chasing after the person that just robbed my house* TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET HOME SO I KNOW YOU GOT BACK SAFELY"

"The only 'B' word you should ever call a woman.... Is beautiful. Bitches love being called beautiful."

"Why did the Tumblr killed the Reddit fan? Because Reddit SUCKS."

"Up to 300 serial killers are active every day but the good news is that some of us have been incapacitated by the internet."

"My grandma bought my grandpa a new pair of pants. When she asked how they fit, he responded ""like a cheap castle. There's no ball room."""

"What do you call an empty jar of cheez whiz? Sheez was!"

"How do dentists like their eggs? Poached."

"Why didn't the blond call 911? She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad."

"Need a punchline. And.... Go! http://i.imgur.com/t57uK.jpg"

"Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend? Because they're both roasted"