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Joke of the Day

"If I'm ever on life support unplug me Then plug me back in see if that works"

"I'm a little surprised team USA can't find a goalie fat enough to block the entire net."

"*Checks out grocery item* Grocery item: ""I have a boyfriend."""

"Oh so Paris Hilton can carry a dog in her purse but if I leave my baby in a suitcase behind the chicken restaurant I'm some kind of monster."

"What's the difference between a green bean chickpea? #EDIT: What's the difference between a green bean **and a** chickpea?# No one has ever paid to have a green bean on their chest"

"There's a new wheelchair party forming But it doesn't really stand for anything. (At least it'll always have a spokes person)"

"Have a headache? Eating a carrot can help if you take a Advil after it"

"Why are government employees constipated? Because they don't do shit."

"If the black man got shot, these guys get fired. Secret Service guys, cuz you know."

"What person strives to ensure safety for horses? Ralph Neighder!"