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Joke of the Day
"Gave my cat some organic soy milk and now she wears two pairs of tiny Toms."
Next Joke
"She: I love movies where you need a tissue at the end Him: So do I"
"Where does Ben Carson spend most of his time on Reddit? /r/explainlikeimfive"
"Why couldn't Jesus's eat m&m's? They kept falling threw the holes in his hands."
"Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance? Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty."
"My stages of drunk: 1) onstage 2) backstage 3) hostage"
"My wife screams like crazy during sex... ...especially when I walk in on her!!!"
"The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me."
"You wanna hot body? You wanna Bugatti? You wanna Maseratti? Then this is an intervention you NEED to stop listening to Britney Spears."
"Hey girl, did it hurt? Did it hurt when you had to use your fingernails to rip through the dense layers of sediment on your way up from Hell"