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Joke of the Day

"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns.. But I soon realized that toucan play at that game."

"What can bring The Beatles back together? Two more bullets."

"Just another day grabbing random children by the shoulders and screaming ""I'M YOU FROM THE ""FUTURE!"" in their faces.."

"Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? He had lost his contacts!"

"Some people get their friends to do their bidding by offering favors or compensation. I just threaten to throw their iPhones in the toilet."

"A man goes to a doctor. The doctor examines him and finds out he has five penises. The doctor says, ""That's amazing! How do your pants fit?"" The man says, ""Like a glove."""

"I don't like generalizations... They all suck."

"Boss: Project's way behind. Suggestions? I'm willing to try anything. Me: *raises hand* Him: Anything but ""helper monkeys"" Me: *lowers hand*"

"Just saw a dude catcall a woman with ""Nice heels, girl"" and his friend slapped him and said ""Those are knock offs, bro"""

"College students... Thief: ""Give me all your money !"" Me: ""I'm a college student..."" Thief: ""... Have some of mine."""