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Joke of the Day

"When I come back in the next life, I would like to come back as a bathroom mirror in a house full of hot women."

"Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent."

"My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative."

"I heard y'all don't like bird jokes This could get a little hawkward"

"Years ago I used to do a lot of drag racing... ...buy I kept tripping in those high heels"

"What's the difference between a theatre-snack muncher and a person who watches police sex scenes? One likes popcorn, the other likes cop-porn."

"""This may be our 85th viewing of this movie, but we'll watch it as intently as if it was only our 23rd"" -Toddlers"

"What should you do if you find yourself at a my chemical romance gig? Mope the fuck outta there."

"*somehow manages to beep at you sarcastically*"

"If I'm on a sneezing fit it's best to let me go, because by the 4th time you say ""God bless you,"" I'm ready for you to be out of my life."