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Joke of the Day

"If I had an ice cream truck, it would turn into a regular truck in about a half hour."

"Ruger is coming out with a new pistol called the congressman... X/post from r/guns .....it doesn't work and you can't fire it."

"What's the difference between Tim Howard and Jesus? Jesus had 11 guys he could depend on."

"Confuse the cable guy when he finally shows up at your house by telling him he'll have to wait outside until your favorite TV show is over."

"Two mice chewing on a film roll One of them goes, ""I think the book was better"""

"*go to shake hands with All-Knowing Oracle* *just stares at me* *realize he knows I didn't wash my hands after using the bathroom earlier*"

"What do Canadians say after a prayer in church? Eh-men"

"What do you call the child of two parents with downs syndrome? A hand-me-down."

"My psychologist and psychiatrist don't agree on my diagnosis so yes, I get what it's like to have people fighting over me."

"It doesn't matter how hard I try, I just don't seem to be going anywhere in life Hamster therapist: Sounds like you're in a vicious circle"