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Joke of the Day

"Just saw Samuel L. Jackson order a couple of bagels. He paid for them and said thank you so basically now my whole life is ruined"

"This vodka tastes strange, kinda like I'm not going to work tomorrow."

"What do you call a blonde on a college campus? A visitor"

"What kind of ring is the least exciting? A BOring"

"Did you hear Harriet Tubman will be on the $20? Does this mean it'll be worth 70% of its value because she's a woman? Or does it mean it'll be worth 3/5th because she's black?"

"Man: Your place or mine? Women: Both, you go to yours and I'll go to mine."

"If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink."

"What is the difference between a garbanzo beans and a chickpea? I would never let a garbanzo bean in my mouth."

"I was grilling, and dropped a hamburger patty Now it's ground beef"

"To quote my late father... ""Traffic is heavier than I expected."""