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Joke of the Day

"What do 'Free bird' by Lynyrd Skynyrd and my orgasms have in common? 5 minutes solo. Meh."

"Did you hear about the butcher's assistant who ditched work to try out for the football team? He didn't make the cut."

"I need to get my shit together. It's in little piles in my kitchen & then there's some more in my wife's closet."

"Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that? Boy: Me! I'm going home now."

"My wife is so weird She starts every conversation with ""were you even listening to me?"""

"long-term plan is to let my debt build into the millions and when I die have a golden tombstone that says COME COLLECT IT IN HELL, TAX MAN"

"PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, ""You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!"" DO NOT OPEN IT. It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert."

"Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing."

"Cop: you know why I pulled you over? Me: You thought I was black? Cop: Haha. Yep. You're free to go sir"

"CHRISTMAS BONUS Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here? Secretary: My lawyer."