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Joke of the Day

"Today I accidentally dropped my sunglasses into the toilet and flushed them. Tomorrow a very cool alligator will rule the sewers."

"I have a dream that my son will one day live in a nation where he will not be judged by the size of his boat but by the motion of his ocean."

"Every time I click on AMAs That's all the time we have, thanks everyone!"

"It's cute how ""America's Got Talent"" focuses on singing & dancing instead of our real talents: overeating & complaining."

"If the quiz made you a little quizzical, what is the test going to make you? Really fucking confused."

"You're so fat, when you sat on an iPod . . . It turned into an ipad. If you don't like my joke, you should really lighten up."

"I'm on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks."

"What does Rick and the Llama have in common? Caaaaarl!!"

"Why are gay people so fashionable? Because they spend so long in the closet."

"My coffee tastes like the dishwasher. Makes me wonder how Carl's doing and if he still has that same distinct flavor."