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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW]My uncle said I have the body of a seven year old... ...I told him to stay away from my freezer."

"I'm a 40 yr old man sitting at a Cafe with my eyes closed, squirting packets of mayo from under the table at the window as people walk by."

"[firing squad] Any last requests? ""Here's my mixtape, if u like it, will u let me live?"" Yes. *listens* Oh man that's FIRE *gunshots*"

"Addiction therapist: You've tweeted 36k tweets in a year. Me: Yeah, so? Therapist: What are you paying me for? Me: Material. Therapist: ..."

"What do you call too many chickens on a farm? A cluster cluck."

"Hey baby wanna come back to my place for a little...""double entendre?"""

"I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. Because then I would know she is capable of making decisions she will regret in the future."

"What do white guys have bellow their hips thats hard and pleasures women Credit Cards"

"If I've given you a card at your birthday party, know I bought it a half-hour ago and signed it on the dashboard of my car 5 minutes ago."

"Why did the stonemason break up with the female con artist? She took him for granite."