202819

Joke of the Day

"Wife: Who was that on the phone? Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau. Wife: What did he say? Husband: He asked if the coast was clear..."

"What are the three rules of being a plumber? Hot on left; cold on right. Shit runs downhill. Never, ever, put your tools in your mouth."

"In general my philosophy is do whatever you want if it doesn't hurt people and it's not two spaces after a period."

"There are 10 types of people in the world... Those who understand the binary numeral system and those who don't"

"Currently stuck at an auction bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor. I'm in it for the long hall."

"What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics? Walking."

"i told my cat i was gonna teach him to speak English ... he looked at me & said ""Me? how?"""

"I saw a woman suffering cardiac arrest earlier... She asked for me to call her an ambulance. I did, but I think she should've asked for help instead."

"What would Jimi Hendrix be doing today if he was still alive? Trying to get out of his grave."

"Live today like it's your last. But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't."