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Joke of the Day

"I saw a woman suffering cardiac arrest earlier... She asked for me to call her an ambulance. I did, but I think she should've asked for help instead."

"There's a disease going around called these hands. You about to catch it."

"Why does the lawyer hate doing pro-bono work? Because he fucking hates U2."

"Of course he's going to get re-elected, because once you go Black..."

"Didn't think my kid was ever going to sleep, earlier.You would've thought the cops were here,the way she was resisting a rest."

"I'm too calm to be a Dermatologist. I refuse to make rash decisions."

"You had me at ""I bet I can get that whole thing in my mouth."""

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND EYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYEE"

"If you throw a great Ape into one of the Great Lakes what will it become? Wet!"

"Ever heard of jenkem? It's the shit!"