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Joke of the Day

"On hold with IKEA. The message just told me ""there's more to life than furniture."" Time to reevaluate everything I thought I knew."

"LHC (Large Hadron Collider) When LHC discovered Higgs Boson, it literally became deus ex machina."

"Ok, all you people who adopt dogs and put ""who rescued who?"" stickers on your car... you drive me crazy! Clearly it's ""who rescued whom?"""

"Did you hear about the constipated Jew? He couldn't shit."

"wife: ""you promised you wouldnt buy anything stupid with our lottery winnings"" me: [covering penguin's ears] ""he can hear you linda"""

"Probably 98% of human history would have never happened if showing off for girls wasn't a thing."

"If you are at school, and the urge to take drugs hits you... Speak to the supply teacher.."

"Do infants enjoy infantry... as much as adults enjoy adultery?"

"14yo: Have you ever smoked marijuana? Me: Today? 14yo: What? Me: What?"

"What do you call a dog that is also a magician? A Labracadabrador."