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Joke of the Day

"Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job."

"Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? A: She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue."

"What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they're stuck up bitches."

"How did I get out of Iraq? Iran"

"I get bummed out when I end up being on time but I'd worked up a really solid ""why I'm late"" story."

"Made this one up today: How do you stop joint pain? Turn it around."

"When a cashier thanks you for your purchase, unsettle them by looking deep in their eyes and softly saying, ""Anything for a friend."""

"Somewhere right now, a girl just uploaded a picture of herself saying ""Not looking good today"" after deleting the first 50 pictures she took"

"why did the man cross the road? he had his dick stuck in a chicken"

"[Michael Bay directing] ""WE NEED A HOTTER CHICK"" Teacher: This is your son's 3rd grade play ""Oh right. I forgot. WE NEED BIGGER EXPLOSIONS"""