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Joke of the Day

"Just installed an egg cannon on the hood of my car. Flipping people off and cursing at them just doesn't satisfy me anymore."

"What's the difference between cats and dogs? Dogs have owners, cats have staff."

"*Clark Kent takes his glasses off* Jimmy: ""OMG, it's Superman!"" *Clark puts his glasses back on* ""OMG, Clark! You just missed Superman!"""

"What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever."

"If you don't send the person you're stalking a nude photo of yourself, then you're not taking that relationship serious enough!"

"Love will tear us apart. Also, bears, wolves and some other woodland creatures."

"What do you call an explanation of an Asian cooking show? A wok-through."

"Relationship status: Negotiating with the dog to lease space in his flat."

"Q: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? A: So you'll never know which side he's on."

"This is by far the most pointless Tweet ever."