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Joke of the Day

"On cold mornings, it'd be helpful if a menacing man screamed obscenities at me in German so I'd get out of the shower."

"I wonder if people in China call their crappy plates their ""America collection."""

"There's a really annoying moth in my room. It's been on my Silence of the Lambs poster for ages now."

"I want to be a large, Southern black woman who fans herself in church when I grow up."

"I wonder if those Gmail password hackers know how much my dog hates having to learn a new name."

"How is the world like a bag of jellybeans? Nobody likes the black ones."

"Imagine a world without pizza. No, no, stop crying this was just pretend I'M SORRY TRY AND CONTROL YOURSELF I'M SORRY"

"What do you call a man with a disfigured penis and a woman with a large vagina? Bendidick Cumbersnatch"

"Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas? They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe."

"Rob Ford..too soon? *Some* people though it would be nice if Rob Ford could be mayor for tumor years."