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Joke of the Day

"I'm writing a book about how people can free themselves from taking pictures of themselves. It's a selfie-help book."

"It's just an alarm clock Really, it is. http://imgur.com/tdZrIAB"

"whats a frogs favourite type of shoe... open toaded shoes"

"origami is a great idea on paper, but in reality folding a swan will kill it."

"wife [gives me piece of fruit] Try this me: Tastes like hand sanitizer wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer? me: Yeah wife me wife me: Why?"

"No mom, I can't date him. Well he took that which superhero are you quiz and well...*whispers* he got Daredevil."

"Girl can I ask you a question *gets down on one knee* would you like to make $8,000 a week working from home"

"I got all my coworkers condoms and bibles for Valentines Day because I'm praying they get laid"

"have you ever had Ethiopian food? neither have they!"

"We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too"