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Joke of the Day

"We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too"

"[Personal ad] Seeking hostile female rage rhino to suffocate me with her thighs. Smoker's cough a plus. Oxygen tank required. No crazies."

"...walks into a bar... A golfer, a priest and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks, ""What is this? Some kind of joke?"""

"ME: fine, judge me. judge me for loving too much, for caring too much- JUDGE: you're on trial for murder ME: for murdering too much"

"Did you hear about the new pill that's supposed to turn lesbian women straight? It's called tricoxagain."

"What's the name of the new shawarma restaurant in Neverland? Pita Pan"

"I asked for soundproof walls my mom also got me a straight jacket"

"I can't wait to find out what new undeleteable apps that I don't want will be on the new iPhone."

"Kiss me you fool. Embrace me you dolt. Cuddle me you simpleton. Marry me you megalomaniac. HAVE MY BABY YOU GARBAGE PERSON."

"The teachers could tell my wife & I were embarrassed by our son's grades when we showed up to conferences with paper bags on our heads."