202388

Joke of the Day

"If you get your phone wet, put it in a bag of rice overnight Eventually an Asian will come and fix it"

"50 SHADES OF... Theatre owners have been piping in citrus scent after each showing of 50 Shades of Grey. Because everyone knows citrus is best at eliminating fish odors"

"There's going to be a Fast and Furious cameo on Walking Dead Paul, walker"

"Getting the girl isn't as easy as they make it look in the movies. They don't trip as often, and when you do catch up they get the machete away from you. :\"

"Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Because he hasn't."

"What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy"

"Why do Asians have squinty eyes? because their future is so bright"

"What's white and drips from the cloud? The coming of the Lord."

"Pretty sure the neighbors are impressed with the banging and screaming they heard. Little do they know it was just me chasing a spider."

"these tweets brought to you by me waiting to hear back from my weed guy"