202287

Joke of the Day

"""I won't vaccinate my kids! It's not healthy and full of dangerous preservatives!!!"" *gives kid a pop tart for breakfast*"

"What do you call math that gives you PTSD? Triggernometry"

"How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet."

"A patriotic needle said: Don't thread on me."

"What do you say to a soldier who doesn't turn up for Camouflage training? Well done."

"Q: What came first; the chicken or the egg? A: The rooster."

"Where did Hitler watch TV? In his *Lebensraum.*"

"LPT: Microwave your spoon first to make scooping out ice cream easier. It warms up the spoon and makes the process less frustrating."

"I don't play guitar, but I sure would pluck your G-string."

"I met a French gentleman in the bathroom. How do I know he was French, do you ask? He went oui, oui. Source: my 13 year old brother."