202008

Joke of the Day

"Just found out there is a whole series on Netflix about this year's election results. Orange is the new black."

"*sticks switchblade into bag of NES cartridges, licks tip of knife, nods to boss* It's good."

"Took the shell off my racing snail to see if I could make it go faster... Just made it a bit sluggish."

"If your house it hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT AND SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside."

"Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer? He wanted to have webbed feet."

"What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they're both stuck up bitches."

"I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high She seemed surprised"

"Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious"

"Being a bachelor is dangerous. I pulled a groin muscle while getting out of bed. Over and over and over...."

"Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won."