201623

Joke of the Day

"If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don't try and out clever me with your comment. I don't come over and blow out your candles on your cake."

"Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity."

"What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Pregnant"

"I went to a fancy restaurant last night and a man was complaining about his escargot. The waiter just shrugged it off. ""I'm sorry sir,"" the waiter told him. ""All snails are final."""

"DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you're too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they've probably had diarrhea at some point"

"How do you greet your Mexican friend eating sushi? Wassap B?"

"What do vampires make sandwiches out of? Self-raising dead."

"Maybe it's chicken that tastes like everything."

"I masturbate so much in the shower I get wet when it rains"

"I'm sorry you lost the weightlifting competition. Would you like a pick me up?"