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Joke of the Day

"Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity."

"I don't like rape jokes... they feel kinda forced."

"A man with multiple-personality disorder walked into a bar. No he didn't."

"Coffee is a gateway drug. You end up stirring liquid with increasingly larger sticks until eventually you're paddling a kayak."

"What's the scariest thing about a white man in prison? You know he did it."

"Dude. Go shave your mustache. Just because it looks good on your mother doesn't mean you can wear it well."

"What's the difference between Frenchmen and some toast? You can make soldiers out of toast!"

"I'd rather drop a baby than my iPhone.... I mean I can make another baby.... But I have no clue how to make an iPhone..."

"I Wasn't Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That's when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!"

"I want a sandwich in the streets and a sandwich in the sheets."