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Joke of the Day

"I love when I can still smell your colon on my pillow the next day. -why spelling matters"

"User interface? I hardly even know her!"

"I often misuse common phrases People are always pulling me off for it."

"I hate it when guys use pickup lines like, 'Hey, what's your friend's name?' on me. Worst pickup line ever."

"Hey girl, are you an integral? Because I'd like to find the area under your curves"

"Me: But I'm sweaty, I'm anxious, my heart rate is up Doctor: This is the 3rd visit I've had to tell you I can't treat being offended online"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car."

"What did the last-place olympian say after someone stole his sled? What have I got to luge?"

"What do clothes and religion have in common? Someone invented them and forced them on everyone."

"My wife just threatened to kill me in my sleep, which seems much less horrifying than being killed wide awake. She's always been thoughtful."