201319

Joke of the Day

"Today I fucked up by posting in the wong subreddit... Also titled the post incorrectly and made a typo, like an ediot. Edit: idiot"

"What do aliens use to buy their coffee? starbucks"

"Forget about sexy, I am bringing good manners back!"

"A man tells his doctor, ""Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, ""Sorry, I don't follow you..."

"My best friend keeps bagging me for being a virgin I haven't got the courage to tell him I slept with his sister."

"Best exercise to lose a few pounds... So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the ""Brexit""."

"I can't think of a better time to drop dead than at a New Year's Eve party right after everyone yells ""...1!"""

"I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food? SEIZURE SALAD. I peed"

"Why do lawyers wear neckties? to keep their foreskins from creeping up."

"My neighbors are arguing. So I threw 6 shoes in the dryer. They haven't said a word since."