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Joke of the Day

"What is a cardiologists favorite wine Vena Cava"

"Rick Astley will lend you any of the Pixar films in his collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up."

"Why do astronauts bring their phone into space? Because they can get 4g"

"I hate whales I was out at sea and a whale almost destroyed my ship, a crewmember said that whale collisions where common in that area. But I'm positive that whale hit my ship on porpus."

"I just became a proud dad today... My son is actually four but he was a boring little cunt for the first three years."

"My girlfriend used to kiss me on the lips but It's all over now."

"""Full bath?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Double beds?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Pool?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Maid service?"" ""Yes sir"" ""WIFI?"" ""Yes sir"" ""Kids, I found a campsite!"""

"Girl, if I could rearrange the alphabet I probably wouldnt: I'm not that smart and people are already mad at me from other stuff I did"

"I place my finger on the police officer's lips. ""Shhh. Look, we were both speeding, ok? I forgive you."""

"You can't keep two ducks alone together It's a paradox."