201031

Joke of the Day

"Cop: You been drinking?nnMe: No.nnCop: Say the alphabet backwards.nnMe: Alphabet the. nnCop: Hilarious. Say each letter.nnMe: Each letter."

"Cop: do you know why I was following you? Me: WAS following? Wait you unfollowed me? Cop:haha Me:haha Cop... Me... Is it cause of the drugs?"

"If you want to feel the bern Have unprotected sex."

"Someone stole my car from the Target parking lot, but fortunately they returned it at 11:00 pm when it was the only car left in the lot."

"Most conversations that occur over Bluetooth are about buying a used jet ski."

"Weird Al and Vin Diesel should team up with a chip tune band Then they could be Al, Vin & The Chip Monks"

"If you live in the US always be careful to not break your leg because you have to sell it after fixing it to cover the cost"

"ME: I'll have the chicken dinner. WAITER: Yes, sir. *throws corn on the floor* Here, chick chick chick. ME: *pecks at the ground* Excellent."

"Tim Cook officially came out of the closet... at least this is the one time when Android users can't claim that theirs came out first."

"Am I in the Mile High Club if I jerk off under a blanket on a plane? Just kidding, United doesn't have blankets. Sorry lady in seat 21B"