200604

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Mexican that lives in Maine An L.L.Beaner"

"Libraries are a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn't be allowed to talk."

"Some are mad Trump won. Others are mad that the anti-Trumps are mad. I'm mad that you open up a new bag of chips and it's only 1/3 full."

"If ever you're feeling down, and I can't be there to do it in person, just imagine me awkwardly patting your shoulder & looking at my watch."

"There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: ""don't"" and ""stop""."

"When life hands you melons... You might be dyslexic."

"I finally decided to unfollow someone who hasn't tweeted in a year. They'll probably come back tomorrow & make me look like a real c**t."

"Did I ever tell you about the worst blowjob I ever had? It was FANTASTIC."

"I'll bet Timmy would never have fallen down that well if his parents would've coughed up the money for a HUMAN instead of a dog babysitter."

"I was flirting with this teenager on the internet... ...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop. How cool is that for someone her age?"