200550

Joke of the Day

"Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs."

"So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke."

"What a precious thing it is to bond with someone by talking shit about somebody else."

"What do you call a pall bearer in Oklahoma? A karaoke!"

"Girls who marry for money & guys who marry for beauty are equally robbed in the end."

"I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order."

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter a dick up your arse."

"What is the difference between a fly and a bird ? A bird can fly but a fly can't bird !"

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them."

"The toilet felt abandoned... ... but pubic cares :) sorry... I just had to."