200515

Joke of the Day

"My son just paced back and forth dictating his letter to Santa like a high-powered CEO. Forget Prada, the Devil wears Ironman pyjamas."

"What do gay people call each other on? Homophones."

"Want to spice things up? Look them right in the eyes and lick their fingers seductively. My dentist didn't appreciate it, but yours might."

"This will make you groan.. I like to travel a lot, and last year I flew and visited Hiroshima, Japan. It was fairly cold that day so it wasn't the best day, but it wasn't the worst...."

"Abortions are so fun It really brings out the kid in you"

"PARK RANGER: to be a guide you need to be able to name all the animals ME: no problem [later w/ a group] ME: that's Greg, & that's Linda..."

"I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen, I want to live on in my apartment."

"The best freestyle ever Roll up to someone with pancakes Drop my iPhone on it Call it ihop I'll see myself out"

"What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? a pool table"

"I text my wife tonight, ""Honey, I'm going to stay in the bar another hour with my friends for another pint..."" ""...if I'm not back in an hour then read this message again."""