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Joke of the Day

"My friend showed me some of his childhood photos. ""These look nothing like you!"" My friend responded ""Why would they?"""

"My friend Billy... My friend Billy, Had an eight foot willy, dragged along the kitchen floor. His girl thought it was a snake, and whacked it with a rake and now it's only three foot four."

"I went to a dance. First they played 'Jump', so I jumped. Then they played 'The Twist', so I twisted. Then they played 'Come On Eileen', so I got kicked out."

"Girl: ""How do I look today?"" Bruno Mars: ""When I see your faceeee"" Girl: ""Ok ok I get it."""

"Did you know - what is the best thing to put on a delicious cake ? Your MOUTH !!"

"Changing a light. How many niggers does it take to change a lightbulb? 2, one to drive the pink caddy and the other to change the light."

"I can't believe other countries are allowed to celebrate the New Year before America. Some superpower we turned out to be."

"Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: ""Windows frozen."" Husband texts back: ""Pour some lukewarm water over it."" Wife texts back 5 mins later: ""Computer completely fucked now."""

"A jewish kid asks his dad for $20 His dad replies: $10!?!... What do you need $5 for?"

"The Grapes of Wrath 2: The Raisins of Revenge"