200439

Joke of the Day

"Woman hits me with her shopping cart. I apologize. Another woman hits me with her cart. I apologize. Being Canadian is like being married."

"I'm writing a book on how to be sneaky... ...It's a lurk in progress."

"two atoms are talking.. ""Hey Bob, why the long face?"" ""I've just lost an electron."" ""What, are you sure?"" ""Yes..... I'm positive."""

"Who's idea was it to package scissors in a package what requires scissors to open."

"Q: Why wouldn't the bald man let anyone use his comb? A: He couldn't part with it."

"You can call me Vladimir. Because I'm going to be Putin it in your butt <3"

"How to know you're a Redneck When you look at your sister and think ""I'd bang her""."

"Peanut butter and jelly don't love each other... but I always find them in bread together."

"Q: Why did Bobby Fischer marry a woman from Prague? A: He was looking for a Czech mate."

"""Daddy, there's a mime under the bed!"" That's ridiculous, why would you think that? ""Listen!"" *complete silence* OH DEAR GOD RUN"