200429

Joke of the Day

"Q: How do astronomers organize a party? **They planet.**"

"What did the terrorist say about his popular reddit post? *I didn't expect this to blow up like it did!*"

"JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods* ME: thats correct ur honor"

"I was driving on the highway and seen a sign that read ""Next Rest Area, 10 Miles"" That's a pretty big rest area"

"If I could have sex with any historical figure it would be Marie Antoinette. I hear she gives good head."

"Whats the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute stops screwing you after you're dead."

"What do you a call a pedophile at church? Father"

"In a democracy, it's your vote that counts... ...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes."

"Sausage and bacon in a frying pan. Sausage says to the bacon: ""It's pretty hot here."" Bacon says: ""Oh my god! A talking sausage !!"""

"KILLER: I'M GONNA CATCH YOU ME: YOU'LL NEVER CA- [stops running to pet a dog]"