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Joke of the Day

"When I die, I hope Bethesda lowers my coffin into the ground. So they can let me down one last time."

"I accidentally washed a black sock in with my whites and everything came out fine, so I totally get that whole ""I Have a Dream"" thing now."

"Me: *to dog* what should I wear today bud? Dog: *pants*"

"If I were a rat, I wouldn't give my ass either."

"TRUMP: I just killed & ate a homeless man MEDIA: You're a monster TRUMP: This sort of political correctness is what's ruining our country"

"I would like to tell you guys a joke... ...but I'd rather keep it about the film."

"Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells? Because she doesn't fit into B shells"

"The best joke I ever heard from a Laffy Taffy wrapper Why do kangaroos hate rainy days? ... The kids have to play inside."

"What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I take my shoes off before jumping on a trampoline"

"Who do you pat with encouragement when they fail to work? A Remote control"