200224

Joke of the Day

"Me: Goodnight mom I love you Mom: I have a boyfriend Dad putting arm around Mom: This loser giving you a problem?"

"Hate when Walmart doesn't have what I need & I have to go home, change out of my pajamas & brush my hair so I can go to Target"

"If you replace phrase ""Americans think"" with ""Americans with landlines who answer unsolicited calls think"" it all makes so much more sense."

"What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened? ""...and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"""

"What do you call a tooth in a glass? A one molar solution."

"Why are girls so hot? because they lay out in the sun so much lol :P"

"What did Consuela say to her boyfriend after he shagged her in the field? Grassy Ass"

"Was Johann Sebastian Bach wealthy? No, he was baroque."

"What's the difference between Lance Armstrong and Adolf Hitler? Hitler can't finish a race"

"What's Tim Cook's new nickname? Jack The Ripper"